Me ~ What does it mean to be a man, husband and father?
John ~ Man is the conduct between God's authority and my family. That puts me in the unique position of being accountable to God for those people in my family. They have to trust that accountability so that they can fulfill the roles that God has placed them in. The role of man being one of gender is probably the most confused and cause of the most of the problems in our society today. Because, most men, don't have a connection to God.
Me ~ Why is that? How did that connection get broken?
John ~ We know from scripture that the first man disobeyed God, turning authority on its head.He basically put the woman in charge of himself and blamed her for his own failing. Don't we see that in all these broken families where the man has abrogated his authority as the leader of his family. Nothing has changed.Most wives and children want 'dad/husband' to lead.
Me ~ How can man break this what seems to be a pattern of disconnect?
John ~ I think going back and going connecting to God is primary. That will help everyone to get back into proper alignment for families. Everyone fulfills their role the way that God intended then we can repair the damage that has been done and restore the family's place and function in our society.
Me ~ So what can men do and women in fact?
John ~ That is a good question. Women must be instrumental in helping their husbands get back to the place of authority. They can do this not by taking over or taking charge but by their desire to lean on him for the spiritual authority of the family and first authority when decisions regarding family life need to be made. Feminism counters that by saying that women should not trust men as an authority as they would be abusive and fail to fulfill and or take away the freedom of women. Freedom is found best when their is order and proper roles are followed based on God's design of the family. Men can start taking on the responsibility that they are designed to do. Which does not mean to be a kind of dictator. A family works together for harmony and to help each other grow. But, men need to asserting their responsibility by first connecting to God in an intimate way so that they better fulfill the role in the family. Any authority that acts outside of God usually becomes a despotism. When that is rejected by those under it, you have the collapse of the entire system. Which is what we have seen in the family in the last fifty years. Financial provision by the husband/father is not enough. The man has to have an emotional connection to his family. He has to look to God for his guidance, so that you can be there for your family when they need you. My providing a house/home and money is all I need to do as in fulfilling my responsibility is not true.
Me ~ I agree. However, I think that society has rejected that role of men and put women in jeopardy as well encouraging them to look to the State rather than a man/husband. Which also encourages them to look at themselves as victims of men and thus, they don't need men. So, I think that men have a very difficult job asserting their role today. Such a social obstacle is becoming enormous. Is there any way that men can overcome it?
John ~ Answering the first part of your question. The result of generations of single moms raising boys has resulted in boys never becoming men. The result is that these boys still act like boys and if they marry they want their wives to be like mom. They live in perpetual boyhood. So, women have to take up the roles of: mother, father, husband and wife. This creates a vicious cycle. In regards to the second part of your question, men have to return to God as their authority. They have to stop pursuing money and security, power and wealth. By doing so, God will lead them to restore the line of authority. When a husband treats his wife the way God asks him to most women will respond positively.
Me ~ I agree with most of your answer; however, it does not seem to be able to resolve the cycle already in place (women taking up the many roles mentioned above). Why? I know that women firstly look for security in a husband which includes in their ability to provide. How can women trust that the man will do this if they 'men' do not appear to be pursuing security?
John ~ Most of the time, men are off pursuing worldly goods and that becomes their entire life. We see far more men putting in long days at work having no time for their family and wives. Women make the same mistake that men do looking to material things as their security. Jesus has to be the source of all our provision. He promises to do just that if we look to Him and not at ourselves.
Me ~ My advice for women and it would seem to be yours is that when seeking a husband as the 'man' in their life and one as the potential father of their children, they look for a Godly man, a man who understands and respects God's design. Money, wealth, power and position will never be enough for them if that is what they consider the better attributes in a man.
John ~ Yes! Security and provision ...all comes from God. As a man, I have to rely on Him and women need to understand this too. God is their first provider, man is not the ultimate source of their happiness. Anything else is idolatry. A woman should never put material things, worldly things first... then she creates idols. A man does the same when he puts things before God. Men and women as husbands and wives should and can work together as one in their relationship with God.